so i am in atlanta this week at the national youth workers convention. it's a weird mix...part training, part vacation, part free stuff, part connecting, part frustrating and a whole bunch of god just showing up and dealing with me. so far this has been the experience...much walking, close talkers in the exhibit hall, andy stanley, the astounding waste of promotional materials, jared hall, 11:30 am wake up (nice treat after 14 months of getting up @ 7 with the baby), feelings of empowerment/inadequacy/conviction/ inspiration, the desperation band, the georgia aquarium, a really different feeling about being away from my family (baby changes everything) and currently the dog whisperer on my hotel tv.god works through this time away in some crazy ways. as i sat this afternoon, listening to the opening stuff and hearing the same old opening stuff from years past I was moved to a leading that i am currently struggling with. i know this is something i need to do on a daily basis and struggle with on every level of my life and avoid like the plague...because i think i don't need to, because i can handle things, because i want to play god, because my way is better, because i have it all figured out, because...my imperfection leads me to the pride filled idea that i have obtained perfection.
i need to surrender.
this is a tough one...beyond the reasons i just noted, surrender has been lost in my life for a long while...it's effects have reached far and wide in both my personal life and the ministry i am allowed to play a role in. surrender is necessary and is stirring in my soul, but is a difficulty that i wrestle with until it is bottled up safely, not to be dealt with until the next time it escapes and needs contained once again.
this weekend i hope to find surrender...
the exhibit hall is out of my system, the worship has begun to soften my heart, the laughter has already healed, and i am ready to seek surrender.
until then...here's a few pics
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